Going HAM

Some days we just have to go HAM(Hard As a Motherf****). Life as an adult is pretty monotonous. We go to work, go home, maybe do something at night and then we wake up the next day to do it again. It feels like we are stuck in a Groundhog day. Life gets boring or it just beats the crap out of us. It makes us so weary and I feel that sometimes we can lose ourselves. We have to go HAM.

Every now and then we gots to get a little bit crazy and wild to keep our sanity.

Sometimes I just feel like yelling. Its just this primal urge to just yell. Ill go to some place where nobody is and just yell. Same with hitting stuff. Its very cathartic.

I urge everyone to go HAM and as Roscoe Dash  (rapper) says in the song "No Hands" "ill be going ham, upgrade from bologna." You guys can shake your head at that for being so corny. My bad.

Family Affair

My family came down to visit me this weekend. It was kind of a last minute thing. My uncle and cousin , who is like a brother to me, fly to Philly and decided to drive down with my mom and grandmom. Its a 12 hr drive. My uncle gave the rationale of "meh... what are we gonna do in Philly"( he lived there before).

Thinking about family, its just amazing. The fact is that you can choose your friends, but you cant choose your family. You cant really get rid of them either. Even if you hate them, they will always be a part of you. Even looking in the mirror will remind you of at least somebody there. We can fall away from our friends and break up with our spouses, but we will never get rid of our family. Many times we treat our family members like shit, but you know what its ok. They will always be our family.

My family is a little crazy..........Yeah and thats all I have to say on that.

One of my fondest moments of family was three years ago during the week of Christmas and New Years. My twin uncles, cousin, mom, grandmom and I were altogether for the first time in like 10 years. We just hung out with each other. Yes we did get into a fight and yes we did have arguments. But it was also one of the best times in my life. Family makes you want to kill yourself and also makes feel blessed to have people you love so much.

Family Potrait
Top: Older Uncle, Me, Younger Uncle(they are twins) and Mom
Bottom: Grandmom and Cousin

Things that make me want to kick people in the Face:

Things that make me want to kick people in the Face:

1. Turning or merging into my lane without using the turn signal. All you have to do is move your one finger and hit the thing. Dont be a jerk just do it.

2. Black people who always blame racism for a problem. How come asians and mexicans don't use that excuse, because were too busy working.

3. The stupid basketball player- has all the skills and atheletism in the world but is there shooting 3s.

4. Girls who look nothing like they do in pictures- I give you a lot of credit, but I hate being fooled.

5. The guy who goes eats your food in the company fridge. Come on you know which one is your stuff.

6. The older lady who wears clothes that belong to 20 yr old girls. Stay in your lane homie.

7. The person who created Peeps, cause I love them and they make you fat.

Cool stuff

Japanese sushii commercial....I thought it was hilarious

Called Created Equal
Mormons= Pimps and Hoes

Ninja Turtles T-Shirt

Nic Cage Going Crazy


Ultimate NO complilation

Fidelity

This is not a lonely man complaining. These are just one of the many thoughts that I have through the day.

I was listening to a Regina Spektor song called "Fidelity". The lyrics are:


I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly


It got me to think. Today being St. Valentine's day makes you think about love and relationships. A person told me that we are all made to marry. I dont completely agree with that person, but I do think that I am called for that.


I have never had a Valentine date really and as sad as it is, this day always makes you think of your relationships or in my case the lack of. I have never had a relationship longer than a couple of months.


 I keep my heart guarded and it is hard letting people in. 


Those Regina Spektor lyrics speak to me. I dont give myself up freely to people. I have never loved someone deeply enough to say or even think of the phrase "I love You." I keep my self grounded and dont try to fall in love with every girl with a cute smile.


I fear that I am afraid of love. Can I love someone so deeply that my body will ache when I am not with them? Am I meant for a relationship with somebody? or am I meant to be strong enough on my own to lead groups of people? Can someone love all of me and not be afraid of who I really am? I struggle with those questions. 


This day always gives me hope. I see all the people in the same shoes that I am in and probably wondering the same questions. Life is struggle and pain. These experiences and emotions will get you one step closer to where you have to be and hopefully when you are ready when we get there. 


V day Mixtape:


J Holiday- Bed
Trey Songz- Neighbors know my name
Jagged Edge- Promise
Musiq- Love
R Kelly- 12 play
Maxwell- A Woman's Worth
Regina Spektor- Us
Adele- Make you feel My love
Bob Dylan- Not Dark Yet
Elton John- Your Song
Fiona Apple- Across the Universe
Billy Joel- Shes always a Woman
Sting- Fields of Gold

Victory!!!

Victories are awesome everyone knows that. Nobody dreams of being the loser. Kids dont play in the backyard and dream of losing in the Superbowl. Big Victories are hard to come by. The small ones keep you living and eventually take you to the big ones. We all are need of small victories in life. It can come in the form of the kids going to bed early, no traffic on your way home, some food unexpectedly coming your way, getting in touch with a friend you haven't talk to in a long. For me the little victories are the most important they keep you hopeful and sane. They make you positive and you can take joy in them. Most of the time they are looked over.

When they say "All I do is Win!" Pretty much thats bullshit. We all take Ls(Losses).  How are you gonna take that L and learn from it. Asking the question, "How can I move forward?"

A couple of months ago, I needed a win. I was in some turmoil in my life and felt like everything was piling in on me. I needed a win, any kind of win would have been sufficient. After church, we go to this ramen place. They cook authentic Japanese ramen. They have a ramen eating challenge. If you eat four bowls of ramen in 20 minutes, the food was free and they would put your photo on the wall. I was determined to have any kind of victory that day. I took the challenge. I was pretty hyped up for it. The bowls were about the size of 1/2 a basketball. They had noodles, meat and an egg. The four bowls come out and they come out hot like a sauna. I took the strategy of eating the noodles first, then the eggs and the soup for the last leg of the race. Timer starts and BANG!!! I kill the noodles in like 4 minutes. Im good, but my tongue and the top of my mouth was burned because it was so hot. It was pretty delicious, so it helped. I then eat the eggs and Im still on good time. Now, it was time for the soup. I was pretty hot, but a friend of mine was fanning me so that helped as well. People were rooting "Dan VS Food" and the encouragement helps. It was on to the last part of the race THE SOUP. I pretty much killed the first two bowls of soup. I was feeling pretty nasty at that point. My stomache was full of liquid. My stomache was telling me to quit. I told my stomache to SHUT UP. I combined the next two bowls of soup. I started drinking the soup. As I was drinking it, I was looking into the bowl and the soup built a film of grease on top of the soup. It was coming at me like an avalanche. I put the soup down for a second and doubted myself for a split second. I took one last breath and finished the task with about 7 minutes remaining.

It felt glorious. It really wasnt a big deal, but you know what. It felt mad good to win at something especially when you feel like your in a losing streak.

Before the Challenge and it says I finished in 14 minutes.

Walk Away

I think Im a degenerate. Not really. I can control myself, but I remember gambling when I was young. My mom told me one day that I was in my cafeteria in 3rd grade playing cards. We were gambling on people's lunches. Then when I was 13 or 14 we started to gamble a lot at church playing a game called "Acey-Deucey" (the devils game fosho). The game is pretty high stakes. We would play and people would owe others a lot of money. My one friend owed the other a thousand dollars at 13. From that point on, I have always liked to gamble.

I played Superbowl Bingo today. I lost but it made the superbowl that much more exciting. It seemed like i was having the most fun out of all the people.  I also won a bet with a friend of mine. Its like that. Sometimes you have the good days and sometimes you have the bad.

Gambling tests your guts and how far you are willing to go to do something. You need the guts to go back and be willing to fail again.

My life sometimes feels like a gamble. I take chances at jobs and opportunities. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose, but you know what. Its exciting. Paul Newman said in the Sting, "Money is better won than earned." I totally agree.

Thank God I know when to stop, because there are many people who don't know how to walk away. In a card game or in life, you have to know when to walk away. Many times we don't know how to walk away from relationships that hurt us. Yeah, maybe you lost some chips but you didn't lose all of them. Walk away.

Things at the Gym

Went to the gym this morning. Pretty proud of myself.

Naked Man in the Locker room. PLEASE COVER UP. What good does the towel do over your shoulder. Also dont be in my line of sight please. I dont need to see and more male appendages in my life.

Man, it sucks when your on the tread mill for about 5 mins and i feel tired already.

Grunting man: Save the grunting for the US Open and the bedroom. If you need to grunt dont be so loud.

Girls in Bikinis: Keep doing your thang

It sucks when your working out and the person with the perfect body is next to you making your feel like a fat ass.

Sauna: AWESOME

Naked Sauna: Even more awesome

Weak Guy: Dont worry about it; take it slow

Super strong guy: kinda of scared of you

Need to stretch more

I should do yoga or pilates

Naked Yoga: dont think so

Tempted to buy smoothies or after the gym

Gym makes me feel like I can eat more things and not feel guilty

Constipation

Sorry this one is about poop. So dont read if you dont want to hear about it.

Ive been on this diet where its mostly meat and fats no carbs no sugars. Its been hard. Im hungry all the time and when i eat i have to watch out for everything. One of the side effects is a irregular bowel movements, Ive never had a problem with constipation. I was always on a schedule. This is very new to me. I use to kind of laugh at people who had this problem. I feel like Karma is getting me back.

So I have been eating fiber foods and Metamucil in the morning. It helps but still not on a regular schedule.