Sabotage

I've been wondering this for a long time. Do I go around sabotage myself? I am not sure. Looking back at my years, I have made many mistakes. I wouldn't say that I was doing that purposely. But I second guess myself. I wonder if I actually sabotage myself because I am scared of an outcome. Maybe in the back of my mind I think I don't deserve things to be great. But things can and should be great in my life. Am I the one holding myself back from greatness?

I see that in my past romantic relationships. I was always scared to let it go to the next level. The level where I have to be vulnerable. You know like let them know who I really am. I feel like I would put up roadblocks. I see it in my career. I would get scared of responsibility and lose drive. I even see it in my relationship with God. I try to hang on and grip the things of this world like a vicegrip.

But this is a new day. A new day means that I can change. I can make sure that I will be great. I can make sure that I can be a better man. 1% better every day.

2013 Recap

2013 was aite.

Did I learn to love God and people more? Yes. I learned different aspects of God. I learned about His character. It has lead me to share with people with more confidence. I was able to share in the Word more often. I finished the Bible. I actually am better at loving people. Better at reaching out to people. Better at reaching out to people that society doesn't love as much. I still have a long way to go, but I know I can get there.

 Did I fall in love with the woman of my dreams? Did I even identify that girl? No but thats ok. I still have determination to find that woman. I am not losing hope. I went on several dates. They were a lot more than the past year. I even tried talking to this girl for like 3 months. I tried to be more vulnerable. Its hard but I thinking Im getting there.

Am I doing what I would like to do all my life (occupation wise)? No but I had a job that I didn't like and got a better one. I get paid more and less worries about money now. I'm trying to get to the next steps and have a clearer vision, because without vision there is no light. If there is no light, you can never move forward to where you want to go.

Did I become more active? yes. I think I am in better shape. ....Maybe

Am I more rounded as a person? I think so. I learned more about culture and things. Not through books but through people and their experiences. 

Did I deal with challenging circumstances? Yes. Getting a new job, things at church, things in my personal life, things in other peoples lives. Through all these things, God was present and helped me.

Am I a better person than one year ago?

Yes I am. I can say that boldly and confidently. I can say because of that reason, I did have a good year. I grew closer to God and people. I am filled with more joy and grace than ever. Humdu Allah. Praise Jesus my redeemer and Friend.

12 year slave

Last Sunday, my pastor was preaching and he started to talk about the chains we use to have. By chains he meant sin. So, I was saved at 12 years old. I accepted Jesus (or He accepted me and probably he accepted me). Now you can raise a question and ask "Well Dan what kind of chains can you get at 12 years old?"

Well you can get a lot.

The biggest chain I had was probably anger. Don't get me wrong, I was always a happy kid. But I had this inner rage. A deep seeded anger. I hated people. Plotted revenge in my head. Did not like people. I thought people were against me. There was no mercy, no grace in my heart. I was just anger. Although I looked happy on the outside, I never had any joy.

Getting Jesus changed it all. The anger was gone. I still had some chains like insecurity, lust, distrust in people and etc. But God was slowly taking all of those chains off.

So on Sunday when my pastor said "remember your chains ". I looked back at my old life and it broke me down. I remembered that anger I had. and I see where I am now. The Spirit filled my heart and all I could do is praise the Lord. PRAISE GOD FOR BREAKING MY CHAINS. I pray that I will always remember those chains. I will remember that angry kid and have more grace towards people.I pray I will remember those chains and not be afraid of the ones that I am still bound too.  I pray that I will remember those chains and have hope for tomorrow. I pray I remember those chains and Praise God on a daily Basis.

God Thank you for Freedom!