Vulnerability

So the other day . I was at a restaurant and I had to go to the bathroom. I had to take a number two. I am sitting there and I hear someone trying to open the door, but it is locked. I am pretty quick in the bathroom, if you know what I mean. But another guy wiggles the handle, and he kinda pushes hard and opens the door. He sees me, but there is that pause. He looks at me and I look at him. Our eyes meet. Freaking awkward moment. Worst thing was that some highschool kids were behind him. They just are laughing and I can hear them while I still am in the bathroom.

He caught me at a very vulnerable moment. I was wondering, what other times I have been very vulnerable. My dad left me at the age of four. I probably have only seen him a number of times after that. I think like 10 give or take.But I think when I was a teenager or a tween as kids would say. My dad calls me out of the blue. He says he wants to meet up with me. At that time, I was done with this guy. I haven't talk to him in a very long time maybe 5-6 years. I was very angry, confused and a little irked at the same point. I remember just crying. I was so out of control with my crying. I dont think I have ever cried like that again. Im not the type of person who is ashamed of crying or anything. I think that might have been one of my most vulnerable moments in my life.

Haters

Hater. What exactly is a hater? Wikipedia says, "Hater (slang), a person who expresses intense feelings of hatred or spite, when the reason for this is perceived as unreasonable or spurious." I am a self proclaimed hater. First time are heard the term hater was in a hiphop song probably around 95, a PHD Playa Hater Degree.  I hate things I guess that are popular with some people sometimes for no good reasons. 


For example, I hate Justin Timberlake. I love his music, his acting has improved and seems like a genuinely nice guy and is pretty cool. If I met him somewhere I would probably like him, but something about him rubs me the wrong way. Maybe its his hair or his high voice. Whenever I hear him talking, It just irks me. I also dont like that fact that he thinks hes funny. Dude your not that funny. Dick in the Box was funny but that was because of the other guy. Something about his face makes me want to just want to punch him. But he was pretty good in the Social Network, but for some reason I still hate him.


Are we haters or just people who tell the truth? If we say our opinion like I dont like so and so, people would consider that person a hater. I just say they are keeping it real. Dave Chappelle says Keeping it real does go wrong. Obviously in society we cant always say whats on our minds. Its called filtering. People think that I dont have a filter, but that is false. I do have a filter, but my filter just might not be great. If I said everything on my mind, people would think I am one of the worst human beings on earth. Maybe. I think if we all said what was on our minds, we would probably hate each other and then we would all be haters. 




Some random things of the day


So in small group we were talking about dog fighting and just eating animals and why some animals are pets. Wel I said I wouldnt just kill an animal unless i was gonna eat it not just kill stuff for sport. I said I would eat a dog or a deer. Then someone said"How about cock fighting". I said "I would eat a cock". Immediately after i said this I regretted it. I felt like shoving the words back in my mouth, but it was already said. Silence fell over the room. I looked around and of course my roommate Nathan was there and if you know Nathan you dont want to do that in front of him or jst let him hear about it  . Everyone looked at me and It was terrible.


"I love this video. It has some gay black dude dancing, but I love it. The gay black circus dude makes you think your gay." 


"If he is not gay then I am not straight."


Video of the day






I love how she was so serious when she said it.

Another random thought

Saw an attractive white woman in her late 20s early 30s with an asian teenage kid. I think she was his tutor, but she was like stroking her hair, giving him these sexy looks and looking all sexy . If she is not his tutor, should I be like damn kid you gots game or should I be like damn woman that is rape.