Post 45/100 Shek

Shek means Jerk in Konglish (Korean English) slang. Someone said my nickname should be shek. It felt kinda harsh, but after a day or so I have accepted the title. I will wear the crown of shek proudly. I love being a shek or should I say love being myself. Why shouldn't we make fun of each other or say inappropreiate things? Sure, it might hurt someones feelings but get over it. Your grown. We are not children anymore. Shit people say shouldn't sting you that much because most people in the world are idiots. Now, when a person you respect and love says something. It does hurt, but you know what maybe you need to hear that stuff. You need to hear that you are not the best thing on Earth and have an ego. I use to teach youth kids. They were in highschool. The think they are cool, at least the kids I taught. I use to cut them down every opportunity I got. They love me to this day because of it. So if I am a shek to you, its all out of love. If you are offended, go develop some thicker skin.

44/100 Families

God has blessed me with different families. It is difficult being away from your real family. I'm close to my family and a lot of times I miss just being with them. Not just talking to them or seeing them, but physically being close to them. We don't have to say words, but just knowing they are there makes me feel good.

I have been blessed to have multiple families here in Atlanta. Church has become my friends and family. At times, I thought it was kinda pathetic that all my friends were from church. I realized that these people are some of the best people that I know. Why should I be ashamed of that? I should proclaim and praise God for placing awesome people in my life. This is going to be the 4th year that I will not be home for Thanksgiving. I will be celebrating with my church family. It is such a blessing to have people in my life to care about me. Even if they think I'm a shek. Even if they call me a shek all the time thats love.

The people at my work have become more and more my family also. Today we are doing a potluck. I am not only excited about food, but sharing life. Its awesome just sharing stories. We understand the difficulties of the job. The stress and pressure of this job. Although, many people have come and gone. We grow strong. There are some quality people here and I am blessed to have them around me.

Post 43/100 Ethics

I went to lunch with my coworker and he was put in a dilemma. Do something shady and get the deal done or keep your integrity and just take the loss? We told him that the punishment outweighs the reward. He was listening to us but he kept bringing up how much money he was gonna lose.

I was put in that situation as we all were. I still see something and think "man I could just steal this". I think sometimes but of course the sensible, moral part of you clears your head. Is it really worth going to jail or messing someone up by doing this for this short term reward??? No. But I guess God puts these challenges in front of us and tries to test our mettle.

Post 42/100 Color inside the lines

So baically, I've never been great at listening to directions. I don't read most invitations or long emails. I just get so bored. Example: My dad told me to pick him up from the airport at 11 on New Years Eve. I go out to the airport and hes not there.I call him and hes like I said 11pm. DOH!!! I just assumed he meant 11 am because who would get a flight on new years eve at 11pm. I guess he did.

There are many more examples in my life. Missing events or going to places at the wrongs time. I really need to be organized more. Most of the time it doesnt really bother me too much. This is one of the things I need to work on.

Post 41/100 Were Done here right

One day, I see a friend kinda in a cafe. She was on the computer. I say whats up and she says that she was killing time. She had to wait for this thing. We made small talk and then there was this silence. This silence usually signifies that the conversation is over. I asked her the question " So were done here right?" I immediately regretted my comments. It was really weird to say that. The truth of the matter was that the conversation was probably over. She said that she was thinking of  a question. I really believe  that the conversation was over.

The truth is that we don't really talk about those situations. Those social situations where society deems us to follow these rules like if you see someone you know you have to do these stop and chats. Sometimes you dont even know these peoples names but you have talk to these people because society says so. So many rules that we have to abide by. DAMN IT!!!

Post 40/100 Fertility Clinic

My office is located on the same floor as this fertility clinic. I ride the elevator with some of the patients every now and then. Were in the elevator for maybe 30-40 seconds. By now, I can tell who is going to that clinic. Most of the time they are dressed pretty casually.

When I look into their faces, the reactions are always the best. Sometimes, its nervousness and anxiousness. Other times, they are pretty happy. Maybe because of the hope of getting a baby . I usually build stories in my head of what is going on. What the specific situation is. Maybe they have been trying for years.thinking about some crazy situations.

Sometimes there are women and men just donating their "stuff". I really can't tell those people apart from the other. I wonder, should I ever donate??? Have little Dan Parks running around with me not ever knowing they are my seed.

Post 39/100 When that Day Comes!

I talked with my friends today and we were talking about the things we push back. We push it back and back. We say someday. Then that day comes and we are like crap. I've wasted my days and not accomplished my goals. I wonder if I will be satisfied with some of the decisions.

Maybe I have to sideline some goals to acheive something I've never thought of. I was reading a piece on Diane Keaton. She had to put her career ahead of a family. It was the exact opposite of what her mother has done. She always wondered if her mother could have been. If she would have still been happy with her decision.

I always wish I would know different outcomes in my life. What if I went to UCLA or Penn State? What would have my life looked like? Would I ever have done what I have done? Maybe I'd be dead in a ditch who knows.

I think basically when the day comes I am not regretting that I haven't accomplished the goals I wanted to do. I need to basically motivate myself and complete all the things I want to do. If I don't, I say I tried and keep it moving.

Post 38/100 NBA

Dear National Basketball Association,

Yes, I am calling you by your whole name because you have angered me. All of the excitement that the playoffs have brought is now gone. I have been a life long fan. I have been a sixers fan all of my life. Suffered through Shawn Bradley, Jeff Hornachek, Manute Bol, Clarence Weatherspoon, Corless Williamson etc. I have suffered because I love the NBA. When you had those commercials about "I love this game" that was me. Listening to games on the radio, looking at stats in the paper (not online), watching games on NBC (still best theme song ever), playing the video games (Jordan v Bird is still awesome) and etc.

I am officially hating you. I hate you like a jilted woman hates her cheating husband. I hate you like I hate Ashton Kutcher. I hate you like I hate bussel sprouts. I hate you like I hate the Cowboys.

I was excited about seeing the improvement of the Sixers, emergence of the Thunder, last stand for Boston and maybe Kobe also, seeing the Heat can be clutch and etc. But no. You are all a bunch of bitches. Owners are dumb for paying someone like Kwame Brown 6 million a year. Players are stupid for not realizing that they will never get this awesome of a job anywhere else.  Most of you guys are gonna go bankrupt anyway. Doesn't matter if you have 50 mil or 100 mil. Most of y'all are going broke anyways. Why does it even matter? Maybe you guys should go get your degrees and start handling your finances better.

So NBA good luck to you and the rest of this year, because I am officially breaking up with you.

This is how I feel about you

Post 37/100 Lifetime

I was listening to the radio and Maxwell came on. Lifetime was the song. I don't think I really listened to the lyrics before. He says, "I was reborn, when I was broken". I was leaving my car and I couldn't stop thinking about that line. I actually thought it was " I was born when I was broken".

For a couple of days, those lyrics were on my mind. What Do I mean by broken? I guess an event that shakes up your life.

We are really aren't "us" til we get broken. Its pretty scary to get broken. No one likes it, but its really for our benefit. Maybe. I believe in God , so I believe that it is His will. His will is always good, even when it isn't. I guess its like being spanked as a kid. You don't like it, but when you grow up you understand why it had to be done.

I was first broken by my dad leaving me when I was four. Having a lot of hate in my heart. A lot of anger. Lots of resentment. But learning from that moment and getting stronger. Letting go of the hate, anger, resentment and bitterness. Learning that my earthly father is not the person that I will have to trust. Basically, God is the only one that I will have my back no matter what.

After your broken, and you resolved your issues from it(if you were strong enough to reslove them). You feel good and fresh. Like you were reborn

Maxwell Lifetime Lyrics on the Bottom



I was reborn when I was broken


I wouldn't believe, I wouldn't believe, no

been thru a storm, no use in hoping

that you would come rescue me

somehow your love set me free



And I, I can let my life pass me by

or I can get down and try

work it all out this lifetime

work it on out this time

I can let it all pass me by

or I can get down and try

work it all out this lifetime lifetime



There was a time when love wasn't chosen

now I'm just open for more

now I'm just reaching out for something better

that I had before, girl

there ain't a bottom line in your world



Ooh and I, I can let my life pass me by

or I can get down and try

work it all out this lifetime

work it on out this time



I can let it all pass me by

or I can just try and try

I can move to the light

oh if I take it one day at a time (oh I)

oh spread my love out and fly

oh I (I can move to the light)

ooh I can just make you understand

that love is not a fairytale in a melody

if you want it you can have it girl

maybe you will see maybe you will see (ooh ooh)

ooh oh oh wo oh

lifetime lifetime



repeat chorus

Post 36/100 I've made a Huge mistake

I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. Probably a couple everyday. Its not really a bad thing, if you learn from it. I make choices and sometimes I immediately regret the choices I have made. For example, I like to talk. I say a lot of stupid ish. Sometimes, I feel the words coming out and they are floating in the air. I just want to put them back in my mouth. Basically, I say a lot of stupid things that I want to take back. I order food and I am like I regret my decision.

I am a do-er and sometimes I rush to my choices. I do put thought into it, but sometimes I may not put enough time into the choices. I usually am pretty confident in my choices. But confidence doesn't mean its always right.

Its funny because there is always that moment of clarity when you made a mistake. As they say in Arrested Development "I've made a huge mistake".



Ive made a huge mistake by alexis711

Post 35/100 My BusinAss

*Before I talk about it, let me say that I also am at fault on this.* People ask you what you did or where you went. Now they always want to know who was there with you. Its kinda annoying. Or if you are going somewhere, then who else is gonna be there. What am I not enough for you??? Probably; the answer is yes. You are not enough for me so I would also like to know who is gonna be there. Sometimes, I feel like "Ninja, your in my business to much. Back the F off." It might be a little extreme but thats how I feel. What I have to list 10 names if I went out with a bunch of people. You know what? Why don't you come out and then you will find out. I already let you into my business telling you where I went. I don't want you to know other peoples business. I hear people say"Oh I heard"..... Im like WTF!! Heard from who. You know what shut your mouth. Too much Philly is coming out of me now. Its been a long day. Something positive: Heavy D's last Tweet: BE INSPIRED

Post 34/100 Joe Fraizer

Smoking Joe Fraizer died last night. Even though he was not in my generation and didn't get to see him fight, I always loved him. My mom had a store. We would always pass by his gym. I would wonder who this guy was. One day, I asked one of the customers. They told me that the greatest fighter ever owned that gym. From that point on, I was a fan. First, he was from Philly. Second, he was a gritty hard nosed guy. I did my research. I saw a couple of his fights on tape and really admired him.

As I have gotten older, I did more research and saw more of his fights. I was more impressed every time I saw him. This was a guy who never back down. Always going forward. Never stepping back for anyone. The only way he knew how to fight was this way. Never backing up for a second. A True Philidelphian!!! RIP. May God Welcome you home.

Post 33/100 Random Thoughts

sorry, I failed. I didn't post the last couple of days. Weekends are always hard.

Bought some organic stuff. Taste just like the stuff that isn't organic, but double the price. Is it really organic?

I hate paying for food that I know is not going to be as good. The price states something and you know you could get somethign better for half the price.

Somebody gave me a really good hug the other day.

I always feel weird in the long embrace of a hug. I don't want to hug for too long because its weird and if it is too short then its not genuine enough.

I am wearing a sweater vest at work. I feel gay.

We got in new phones at work and had a 45 min training. What a waste of time???

Forgot how good Dru Hill was. So many classics.

Mondays are so busy.

Home prices are cheap as hell.

Post 32/100 Death

Death is a part of life. You come into the world and someone needs to leave. I don't fear death too much. I know where I am going to go. If the Father calls, I have to answer.

The biggest fear I have about death is if I go before my mom. I know she will be devastated and I am not sure if she can handle that. I pray God takes me after my mom. It is unnatural for someone to see their kids die before they do.

Death does leave hurt. I talked to a coworker the other day. He was smoking one of these electric cigarettes.I asked him how long he was trying to quit smoking. He told me he started smoking when his wife, mother and sister all died within the span of two months. I saw the tears still in his eyes. The hurt is always there. It weakens over time, but its always gonna be there.

Post 31/100 Grantland

Bill Simmons, long time writer for Espn, started a website full of blogs that cover Sports and Pop culture. I got to say it is addictive. I love reading it daily. I read about Ryan Reynolds not being a star, wrestling, the mysterious death of Gatti, divorce of Kim Kardashian and etc.

I have got to say it is one of the best sites on the internet. Go visit it grantland.com.

Post 30/100 Halloween

I was a Panda for Halloween this year. Unlike the previous years, I did not get drunk this year. Still had  a good time at Hallejuah night (an alternative the church offers). I saw some pretty awesome costumes online. I am wondering what I should be next year. Hopefully I can lose weight, because Ill probably have more options as far as costumes go. Can't be a fat asian in everything.