Bloody knuckles

Someone asked me about the scars on my hands the other day. I told them about a game we use to play when we were younger. The game was called bloody knuckles. Pretty much a stupid ass game. We spin a quarter and the other person has to flick it so it keeps on spinning. If you knock it down  or spin it off the table, then you have to face the punishment. BLOODY KNUCKLES!!! The punishment was the loser had to put his fist down on the table and your knuckles had to be on the table. The person who spun the quarter before the person who lost got to duel out the punishment. He or she would basically fling the quarter at the persons knuckles. It definitely hurt. Your knuckles would hurt like crazy, sometimes they would be bloody and bruised. We loved playing it, maybe we were stupid kids or just a show of manliness. Maybe we just loved the pain.

I think many of us are masochists. We love to cause ourselves pain. We love to hurt, just to feel something. Its hard to be numb all the time. Some people do it with relationships, drugs, alcohol and etc. Sometimes, we love to be self destructive. Like that one song says, Im my own worst enemy. I know that many of the things in my life do not propel me to success, but I think that I am afraid to succeed sometimes. At the same time, I am super ambitious and competitive. I am easily jealous at anothers' success, but happy at the same time for them. At this point, I am just rambling......

I like living in misery sometimes. Sounds stupid, but I think my soul craves it sometimes. I think I do cause my self pain a lot. I am a procrastinator, maybe I dwell on things too much . My mind constantly wonders in many different directions. It has been hard to sleep at night, waking up in the middle of the night. I wonder what is on my subconscious that is bothering me.

But looking at the scars, they all have their own separate stories. It reminds me of the scene in Jaws, where they all talk about their scars. The scars make us who we are.